Why am I not good at anything?

“Why am I not good at anything?” I mutter to myself looking down at an over-boiling pot of Mac & cheese noodles. I’m frustrated, worn out & over the constant crying I’ve heard all day. I could feel at the beginning of the week that I was going to be pulled at by both God & Satan. I could feel it in my bones that this week was going to be filled with tiny moments that will test my faith.
You know the kind, the moments that singularly don’t seem like much. The random “Good morning mom, I’ve pooped all over my crib already!” Or the “You mean to tell me you took your shoes off before we left the house for gymnastics?” Or even just walking into the house and seeing the mess that never seems to go away no matter how many times you walk in a circle cleaning all day. All of them compacted into a single day and then put that day on replay for 5 days in a row until finally the rescue of family members can give me a little break on Saturday night. (If I’m not too tired from the week to go do something.)

I am one of those wives who was overly blessed to have a husband who has a drive to care for his family financially. This means, he works HARD & because he works so hard, he’s hardly ever home. A little background for those who don’t know, he’s in nursing school to become a ARNP while working two jobs & trying to balance a family and a romance with me. It’s a lot & it also means I am alone, a lot.

Being alone is not as easy as it sounds & it has made me appreciate you single parents so much more! You’re the real MVP & this post is dedicated to you.

Back to my over-flowing noodle pot, it seemed like that was the icing on the cake today with how everything was going. I was in a foul mood & at my limit when I muttered the words I mentioned previously, “Why am I not good at anything?” It was then I heard my words echoing through the kitchen, being repeated by my 2 year old.

Now, it’s not uncommon to hear him repeat everything we say but that took me back a little. I never want him to think he’s not good at anything especially if it’s a darn pot of water that makes him feel that way. He’s learning how to feel about himself through how I feel about myself. I immediately thought “Well there’s another test I failed this week.” And that’s when I knew that line of thinking wasn’t sent from God.

God isn’t a god who tears down your heart but instead tears down what’s blocking your heart. He gently reminded me to see the blessings in my day & so I started thanking Him. One blessing at a time.

Thank you God for a child who can learn to use the bathroom on his own.

Instead of…

Why did he miss the toilet completely & make another mess?

Thank you God for a child who loves affection from me.

Instead of…
Why does she scream when I’m not holding her?

Thank you God for allowing me to be in front of the pot when it boiled over, keeping Kensi from getting it splashed on her.